Balance

I've had very little to say lately.

I managed to recover from my kidney infection and once the Cipro haze lifted I started on iron, b12 and folate supplements as well as adding more protein, chard, spinach and broccoli to my everyday diet. Top Secret Operation Go Veggie was one part failure, two parts hooray. Yay for no longer feeling like a human bloatation device, boo for vitamin deficient anemia. Balance needs to happen.

Balance is always moving, constantly changing, rarely is it as still as you think it is.

What doesn't bend, breaks.

I gripped every muscle in my body as I hopped onto the rental bike and tried to maneuver up and down a subtle incline in Golden Gate Park today. The dr. patiently worked to keep me upright on the ride up the hill for the first time. I felt everything inside of me tighten up, thinking if I could hold myself still and straight, balance would happen.

Doesn't seem to apply to bike riding really.

It dawned on me some time later, watching the dear dr. ride his cruiser up and down the hill that you don't really travel in a straight line on a bike, but in a series of curves.

Trying to teach my brain to stop thinking too much about these things and just do it already is enough to make me tired. I really am my own worst enemy and I don't know why the fear of falling is so great. I blame this on a sheltered childhood. I should have had more head injuries and broken more bones.

Several hours and one bruised pubic bone later, I can almost get both feet on both pedals, but I cannot guarantee I will not eat dirt almost immediately afterwards.

Balance is here though. Lack of blogging is a sure sign that life is happening without too much swing from misery to elation.

This is good to know.