
Writing about someone else feels odd. I don't remember the last time I had written fiction. It felt awkward and forced. I felt like what I was writing would read badly but instead of going back trying to fix it, I kept going. Whatever. I can fix it later, just keep going.

Last week in San Luis Obispo, I remember laying sprawled out like little kids on the gigantic king size bed explaining to Jeff how I feel like I didn't have enough accidents when I was a kid. I felt like I should have had more head injuries. Maybe a couple of more scraped knees and I wouldn't be so frightened of hurting myself these days. I wouldn't be white knuckling it while he teaches me how to ride a bike. I wouldn't have to sit on my ass and slide down a tiny incline because I don't trust myself. Instead of running around, causing havoc and causing myself bodily harm I spent my time indoors in my own head, watching soap operas and making up stories. Figuring no one would ever read any of it, I wrote with abandon. I'd carry several marble composition notebooks with me, all of them filled with my (then)frilly girl cursive. I spent a lot of time alone when I was a kid. I was comfortable when I was by myself. I wrote. A lot.
I have forgotten how to write with abandon these past few years. I'm glad that it seems to be coming back to me.
Despite passing out around 2AM I woke up this morning and made it to yoga, came home and sent out a couple of more resumes. It's becoming rote behavior. I used the work "behoove" in a cover letter and didn't blink an eye. I also found myself describing my box office experience at the HOB as more than "Rock Stars and All-You-Can-Eat-Fried Chicken". If I'm penalized for being too comfortable in a cover letter, oh well.
Tonight? More writing but I need to step away from the computer before my eyes bleed.
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