hi

I've been distracted.

Life happens.

Eating consciously has taken on more of a natural feel to it. I no longer struggle with food guilt now that I'm eating real things and not deconstructed food products. I yelped about going into 'Food Fight' in Portland and my internal dialogue about the evils of "fake" foods. I like that the fact that Vegan Marshmallows exist, I just don't think that my diet calls for them right now. I find myself wanting whole foods and I need to stick with this while this wanting lasts. I've spent a lifetime wanting fried chicken and onion rings.

It feels good to want something good for me for a change.

I haven't taken a side profile picture in awhile and I think it's part distraction and part meh. I feel like my body isn't drastically changing so there has been no motivation to do so although I know I should keep at it just because. Anything that happens within a couple of months that's dramatic or drastic doesn't stay.

I will admit that this picture makes me want to get a breast reduction. Don't ask why this has been on the mind as of late. I remember making the decision to not get one years ago once I managed to tame the back pain with yoga but it has been creeping back into my brain. I can't really pinpoint why other then the want to wear button down shirts and maybe the ability to rest my forehead on my knees in Paschimottanasana.

Tea, toast, yogurt w/ granola, I should by all means get my ass to the gym while I'm fueled up but the call is weak. I went yesterday and talked to them about canceling my membership. I'm paid up until November 19th so I should make the most most of it but the main reason I'm quitting is the fact that I'm not getting anything out of it anymore. 40 minutes of cardio and I leave. Running in place is not motivating. A part of me has always known this and has always loathed the gym for this reason. I'm pretty much useless in a gym without someone barking orders at me. I'd rather walk Fulton St. to the beach.

Which sounds like a good idea before 6:30 Vinyasa with Laura at BendSF.