Wednesday, September 16, 2009


'Omphaloskepsis is the contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.[1] It is well known in the usually jocular phrase directed towards egotism and self-absorbed pursuits: "contemplating one's navel" or "navel-gazers".' -Wikipedia

I'm shaking with glucose overload. For once, I did not hesitate on the sugar in a recipe and now I am paying the price. At least I replaced the corn syrup with agave, but still. I found myself measuring out 1 cup of sugar and the sight of an entire cup of sugar in a bowl made me a little sick inside. I'm a sucker for dessert, but when I see an actual mound of sugar all I see is a lifetime of insulin shots. *shudder*

The act of baking in my kitchen is soothing. I've managed to figure out a way to make cookies and not consume the entire batch. Florentines are more tedious then anticipated but there is great joy in trying to get them as thin and uniform as possible for optimal cookie sandwich making. Many of them came out flat but were deformed and browned unevenly. At first I stood there wanting to throw them in the trash but then I remembered the chocolate cake the dr. and I made this past weekend and realized that not everything is pretty. Some things are downright ugly, but that doesn't mean they deserve to die. While there is something to be said for perfectionism, I don't want to be that person who throws a hissy fit because something came out wrong.

I had dinner with Sadia the other night and found myself telling a story and coming to a conclusion right then and there that there are so many things I am scared of, so many irrational things that are out of my control. I suspect much of this comes from certain career dilemmas Tears welled up much to my surprise. I embarrassingly cried into my plate of curry.

All of sudden it is 6th grade and I am awkward, uncomfortable and nervous. I am going to be picked last for kickball to no one's surprise. I want to be swallowed whole to never be seen again. Someone is going to throw me in the trash because I didn't come out perfect and evenly browned.

So much uncertainty, I teeter between rational and crazy at lightening speed.

It wasn't until later when my womb began to ache that I realized why the insanity.

This whole hormone thing isn't funny anymore.

Sometimes I spend way too much time with my head buried deep within itself it forgets that there is a world out there outside my own uber innie belly button.

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