Monday, August 24, 2009

Warning: This shit is boring

Nothing keeps you more honest then a bathing suit.

I've gotten so much better at being comfortable in a bathing suit. The last couple years of growing comfortable in my own skin, in my own body, has made my life easier, but the first time you put on a new suit, it's a little bit daunting.

Random head space issues and sleep schedule last week has kept my eating rather sporadic though I'm still eating vegan. Yoga has helped me build up a good amount of upper body strength that I can feel in my shoulders and arms, but that does not help much in the belly department. It's not a horrible thing, this body. I don't obsess over it, though there are times I'm more conscious of it then I'd like to be. Nothing I do is going to change the fact that I'm 3 apples high and fluffy in the middle. I think even if I lost weight I still feel like I'd be fluffy in the middle. All I really want to do is be healthy and mobile when I get older. The biggest fear of getting older is the idea of not being able to get around on my own. I look at my mother and father, both in their 60s and both are still working, still mowing the lawn and still going about the daily business of their lives without the assistance of canes or wheelchairs and for that I am relieved and grateful. This means I can do it too.

The bathing suit is new. I realized after some rather unfortunate boob flailing as the ocean tossed me around like a plaything in Tulum last year that I needed a suit that did its job keeping me decent. I don't really want to frighten children. I also realized that the 3 year old suit had gotten loose below the bust so when I'd get into a pool the bottom of the tank top would float up leaving my fleshy self naked in the middle. This proved to be a problem in the jacuzzi of the Nob Hill Spa as my top bubbled and floated around me unattractively.

After some online research I decided to buy a 2 piece tank set and hope for the best. It has support but not the industrial kind I had dreamed of. This is where I wished I had gotten breast reduction surgery when I was younger. 36G is so far from the norm that it makes it nearly impossible to buy things that fit. The new suit gives me some misshapen boob action but it does the job I need it to do for now, keep the girls tucked in so I don't get arrested for indecent exposure.

I've been hanging out in my apartment in my new bathing suit all afternoon, making phone calls, answering emails, making lunch. I don't really want to take it off as it's much more comfortable then throwing on a bra and real clothes but this awfully sporadic SF weather is going to get me sick if I don't throw on a sweater.

So if you need me, I'll be at home in a sweatshirt and a bathing suit, making baked polenta fries, face first in the new purchases made at the SF 'zine fest the dr. and I went to yesterday.


Alicia said...

I posted pictures of myself in a swimsuit a few days ago. It's been years since I've had the courage to do that. Baby steps, baby steps.

BTW, you look awesome.

Blogger is a Stinking Heap of Pig Dung said...

A foxy woman in a bathing suit is never boring.


me said...

both of you. hush.