Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I walked home from Green Chille Kitchen last night in the downpour. A block from the house I realized I had been carrying an umbrella the whole time but had not bothered to open it.

Change is always such a mixed bag. Different does not necessarily mean yay! or boo!.

But it's a good way to keep things moving. I think I've been standing still for a long time trying not to make any subtle movements because I've been scared of falling backwards. Some being higher then myself (or some being inside of myself) caught onto my game and is shifting the things around me so I'm now forced to move and while I've been flailing my arms for awhile, I think I've finally fallen and it's not so bad to sit down in it, think about where to go and just go already.

My sees-ter booked my ticket to come visit her using her miles and I am grateful. The first 2 weeks of April I'll be holing up in her house, eating her food, doing yoga, meditating and laying low. Somtimes city living is overstimulation. I look forward to a quiet green place where I can sit down and boil all the extraneous away. The answers are always so simple they're just burried under piles and piles of complicated feelings, excuses, circumstances and events, just lots of outer-worldly stuff crowding your thoughts, the din of a thousand voices telling you what you need to do, what you should do, where you should go.

I'm the only person who knows for sure what I need to do.

The only way is up, really.

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